DISCLAIMER
The content in this thread is intended for adults and can contain literature that may be considered abusive or too forthright, so close it if you have issues with that!
Motivation
Lets face it this (the men and women) conversation is favorite past time for many. To start with I think it’s a waste of time and I thought why not have a single thread that takes everyone's views and in some conversation people can simply point it here and move on to more interesting conversations :)
..though, I'd hate to make this a "men vs. women" thing and a more mature approach would be to simply tell my (our) side so it’s more about understanding and less arguing. As a disclaimer, there would end up being certain instances of argument but I urge everyone to focus on the thread.
Context
For starters let’s consider men you hate. Yes, the liars, the cheaters the ones you think want to get you in bed (may or may not be the same as the liar/cheater :) ) ..etc.
Then why men are afraid of commitment, and more so marriage (very interesting)
The Guy you want to hate
Lets see, ...so if you like the guy who isn't all that goody then you are looking for trouble to start with. Perhaps, the plain jane guy is too boring for your interest but whatever the reason you do want to spice it up with ..lets call him "Dangerous Dave (Dave for short)". Well, the thing also about dangerous dave is he is a "risk" taker. And there are no guarantees with risk takers.
I've noticed often, men are fairly consistent in their behavior in a given phase of their life, while women change expectations as a relation progresses. They ask themselves too many questions and in turn that is the focal point of most conflicts; where the guy is supposed to be in synch with that mood.
So, when we look at Dave; he's a guy who probably is comfortable setting the expectation up front. Is that unfair? yeah, he'll have his weak moments and do some pillow talk at times but again is that being unfair?
Men are SLUT's
I'm not sure why the baton for upholding moral values is held by women. For instance, the word "SLUT" is usually attributed as a derogatory remark. But in my opinion, most men are opportunistic. A man may want to take you home even if he has an issue getting it up at times. Women, mostly on the other hand won’t make an advance unless a guy turns them on or they are already pretty turned on.
But wait, moralistically speaking I've just degraded men but not most men would be offended being called a SLUT and yet no one uses the word for men. It's more like men really don’t care.
(Note: This section/thought was brought to my attention by my good pal Adie)
So as a woman you may question, why the word SLUT, WHORE, BITCH should sound unappealing. ..Well, after much interaction, research and thinking I've concluded that women somewhere prefer being "right" and "judgmental" and due this nature are constantly judging themselves and other women. Just my observation!
..Again, this implies men literally don’t feel responsible when they make those choices which in the moral book of women are wrong. So the important question is "Who makes the rules?".
The Hypocrites
There are men who have different values for themselves and different for the women they relate to. I think if there is a class of guys you really ought to hate, it's this!
The Commitment Phobic
I feel stability or the want for a stable relation has a lot to do with you experience, opportunity and time. People who are more confident of themselves and in general are opportunistic are commitment phobic OR maybe some explicit experience. Though, as I mentioned earlier men tend to be more opportunistic hence they logically are more prone to be commitment phobic. I think that’s respectable, and if you guy has a real problem being committed its because he thinks either of the two:
1. There may be better out there
2. You haven't worked hard enough on him (BTW that reminds me, women have this thing about men working hard for them. For men its more sub-conscious)
Hard work is not the same as Respect
I've seen many a time, women tend to believe that making a man work harder for them will make him respect her more (Again futile mental masturbation). On the contrary I think this is very damaging to the woman. The reason being, a man who is determined to be or sleep with you is most likely than not work it longer and harder till he gets you. The equation of respect should never be confused with time. Yes, it for sure filter the immediate "I want to sleep with you now and that's it" guys but there's also the "I can wait to sleep with you" ..and honestly, by doing this the woman is just wasting her own and the guys time. In the end these are the worst sort of relations with completely unbalanced expectations.
When men really lose their virginity
"Virgiity is overrated"; I heard this from a woman once. And made me think, if it is overrated it is usually a big step for a lot of women. For men its a step but its more like "Hey, I'm in the club and am technically capable" :) . But, I feel the mental pressure of the decision to not be a virgin in the case of men and women is actually separated by time. I feel that men who take the concept of the "ONE WOMAN" seriously, get under heavy pressure when it comes to marriage. I'm tempted to think that this equates to the man having to make that choice and to stick to it.
..ofcourse for the ones who seperate marriage from sex or relations its always an easy choice since being married means nothing to them.
For this reason I think a lot of men transform after marriage (for that phase atleast); though dont get too excited with it. You pressure the man at the wrong time or the wrong man and its disaster. Some men are content with what they have and some will never... so that depends from person to person to be honest I feel.
Instant Person Type Match (Read between the lines)
I thought an objective fact/humour listing may entertain you a little :)
Women and their Check list
So far I've been bitching about men (which is my gender) and refrained from commented about the opposite sex. But there is a fact that I have learned over time. A lot of women, like to "idealize" their man.
The ideal being a concoction of characters from suave James Bond to perhaps the hilarious. They somehow know what they want ... by assimilating their check list and forming a frame.
Everything about their man has to fit that frame. I wont say anything more, as I want this blog to present facts not opinion and my fear is that is goes more towards opinion.
...well for an intro that's a lot for you to question, chew. Add your questions, thoughts and comments. Would love to hear.
thanks for reading and contributing!
-Arjun Dhar
The content in this thread is intended for adults and can contain literature that may be considered abusive or too forthright, so close it if you have issues with that!
Motivation
Lets face it this (the men and women) conversation is favorite past time for many. To start with I think it’s a waste of time and I thought why not have a single thread that takes everyone's views and in some conversation people can simply point it here and move on to more interesting conversations :)
..though, I'd hate to make this a "men vs. women" thing and a more mature approach would be to simply tell my (our) side so it’s more about understanding and less arguing. As a disclaimer, there would end up being certain instances of argument but I urge everyone to focus on the thread.
Context
For starters let’s consider men you hate. Yes, the liars, the cheaters the ones you think want to get you in bed (may or may not be the same as the liar/cheater :) ) ..etc.
Then why men are afraid of commitment, and more so marriage (very interesting)
The Guy you want to hate
Lets see, ...so if you like the guy who isn't all that goody then you are looking for trouble to start with. Perhaps, the plain jane guy is too boring for your interest but whatever the reason you do want to spice it up with ..lets call him "Dangerous Dave (Dave for short)". Well, the thing also about dangerous dave is he is a "risk" taker. And there are no guarantees with risk takers.
I've noticed often, men are fairly consistent in their behavior in a given phase of their life, while women change expectations as a relation progresses. They ask themselves too many questions and in turn that is the focal point of most conflicts; where the guy is supposed to be in synch with that mood.
So, when we look at Dave; he's a guy who probably is comfortable setting the expectation up front. Is that unfair? yeah, he'll have his weak moments and do some pillow talk at times but again is that being unfair?
Men are SLUT's
I'm not sure why the baton for upholding moral values is held by women. For instance, the word "SLUT" is usually attributed as a derogatory remark. But in my opinion, most men are opportunistic. A man may want to take you home even if he has an issue getting it up at times. Women, mostly on the other hand won’t make an advance unless a guy turns them on or they are already pretty turned on.
But wait, moralistically speaking I've just degraded men but not most men would be offended being called a SLUT and yet no one uses the word for men. It's more like men really don’t care.
(Note: This section/thought was brought to my attention by my good pal Adie)
So as a woman you may question, why the word SLUT, WHORE, BITCH should sound unappealing. ..Well, after much interaction, research and thinking I've concluded that women somewhere prefer being "right" and "judgmental" and due this nature are constantly judging themselves and other women. Just my observation!
..Again, this implies men literally don’t feel responsible when they make those choices which in the moral book of women are wrong. So the important question is "Who makes the rules?".
The Hypocrites
There are men who have different values for themselves and different for the women they relate to. I think if there is a class of guys you really ought to hate, it's this!
The Commitment Phobic
I feel stability or the want for a stable relation has a lot to do with you experience, opportunity and time. People who are more confident of themselves and in general are opportunistic are commitment phobic OR maybe some explicit experience. Though, as I mentioned earlier men tend to be more opportunistic hence they logically are more prone to be commitment phobic. I think that’s respectable, and if you guy has a real problem being committed its because he thinks either of the two:
1. There may be better out there
2. You haven't worked hard enough on him (BTW that reminds me, women have this thing about men working hard for them. For men its more sub-conscious)
Hard work is not the same as Respect
I've seen many a time, women tend to believe that making a man work harder for them will make him respect her more (Again futile mental masturbation). On the contrary I think this is very damaging to the woman. The reason being, a man who is determined to be or sleep with you is most likely than not work it longer and harder till he gets you. The equation of respect should never be confused with time. Yes, it for sure filter the immediate "I want to sleep with you now and that's it" guys but there's also the "I can wait to sleep with you" ..and honestly, by doing this the woman is just wasting her own and the guys time. In the end these are the worst sort of relations with completely unbalanced expectations.
When men really lose their virginity
"Virgiity is overrated"; I heard this from a woman once. And made me think, if it is overrated it is usually a big step for a lot of women. For men its a step but its more like "Hey, I'm in the club and am technically capable" :) . But, I feel the mental pressure of the decision to not be a virgin in the case of men and women is actually separated by time. I feel that men who take the concept of the "ONE WOMAN" seriously, get under heavy pressure when it comes to marriage. I'm tempted to think that this equates to the man having to make that choice and to stick to it.
..ofcourse for the ones who seperate marriage from sex or relations its always an easy choice since being married means nothing to them.
For this reason I think a lot of men transform after marriage (for that phase atleast); though dont get too excited with it. You pressure the man at the wrong time or the wrong man and its disaster. Some men are content with what they have and some will never... so that depends from person to person to be honest I feel.
Instant Person Type Match (Read between the lines)
I thought an objective fact/humour listing may entertain you a little :)
- "Do you want a massage" - The opportunistic Type.
- "I'm very honest, that's the way I am" - I'm being honest because it may be the quickest way to sleep with you and set the expectation straight; not that I am really an honest guy. The dishonest Type
- "For me its about relations" - I'm not sure what I can do with you, so I'll keep away Type
- "I dont know where my relation is going" - I'm afraid you might find out later but if there's a chance with you I dont mind exploring it Type.
- "I've had many" - The Virgin (in the case of men)
- "I've slept with 10 women" - Slept with 1 Type and loves to talk about it
Women and their Check list
So far I've been bitching about men (which is my gender) and refrained from commented about the opposite sex. But there is a fact that I have learned over time. A lot of women, like to "idealize" their man.
The ideal being a concoction of characters from suave James Bond to perhaps the hilarious. They somehow know what they want ... by assimilating their check list and forming a frame.
Everything about their man has to fit that frame. I wont say anything more, as I want this blog to present facts not opinion and my fear is that is goes more towards opinion.
...well for an intro that's a lot for you to question, chew. Add your questions, thoughts and comments. Would love to hear.
thanks for reading and contributing!
-Arjun Dhar
So true
ReplyDeleteNice read:
ReplyDeletehttp://theawareness.com/why-its-worse-for-women-to-sleep-around/
And what exactly do women need to know?
ReplyDelete